


Steamed Hams: A Mother-Son Activity

by Festus



Series: Alice's Askran Adventures [6]
Category: Fire Emblem Heroes
Genre: Alfonse and Alice have a son, F/M, From another Askr, If you don't like Steamed Hams then I suggest not clicking this, Memes, Steamed Hams, This is gonna be trash, it's complicated - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-08
Updated: 2018-04-08
Packaged: 2019-04-18 22:06:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14222775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Festus/pseuds/Festus
Summary: Alfonse furrowed his eyebrows. "Alice, we're eating breakfas-" though was interrupted when Magnus placed a hand on his father's arm, as if to say "father, we are doing a bit, please don't ruin the meme." So the prince kept quiet and let it play out.





	Steamed Hams: A Mother-Son Activity

**Author's Note:**

> What am I even doing with my life at this point-

_Alfonse wasn't sure when the whole "Steamed Hams" thing started. One day, this boy named Magnus shows up at the castle, explains that he is a "future" child of Alice and Alfonse, his own Askr destroyed by a strange entity, and then him and Alice started going off about steamed hams after Magnus had been at the castle for a month. The first day it happened was the strangest one. It went something along the lines of this;_

 

* * *

 

 

A knock sounded on the door to the mess hall. Alice, Alfonse, Anna and Sharena were having breakfast there, as usual, so hearing the knock was something they had to get used to - they weren't sure why the knock came, despite knowing who it belonged to. Even so, Alice was the one who stood up to answer. And when she did, the sight of Magnus is what she was met with - she normally admired his somewhat long, messy black hair ~~that also had blue tips~~ and his kind blue-gray eyes. To be honest, Magnus looked much more like Alfonse than he did with Alice. Today was different, though. Alice and Magnus must have realized they had something in common, for the moment Alice answered the door, Magnus spoke with a somewhat deadpan expression and tone.

 

"Well, mother, I made it - despite your directions," Magnus stated, trying to stifle his laughter. Alice gave off a subtle laugh too, that made Alfonse, Anna and Sharena look to each other with confusion. 

 

Alice gave a smile to Magnus, tilting her head. "Ah! My son Magnus, welcome! I hope you're ready for an unforgettable luncheon!" Giggles were prominent in her speech. She opened the door fully and allowed Magnus inside, gesturing for him to sit at the table that the other Askrans did. And without a word, they were approached by Askr's future Heir, and without a word, he sat down.

 

Alfonse furrowed his eyebrows. "Alice, we're eating breakfas-" though was interrupted when Magnus placed a hand on his father's arm, as if to say "father, we are doing a bit, please don't ruin the meme." So the prince kept quiet and let it play out.

 

Now, since the kitchen was connected to the mess hall, Alice closed the door she opened earlier for Magnus behind her and walked past her previous spot, heading into the kitchen. As soon as she made it to the doorway of the kitchen though, she faked a gasp. "No, egads! My roast is ruined!" And with a light skip, she hastened her pace inside the kitchen. There was a silence in the mess hall afterwards, and Alfonse waited for a bit. And then he heard Alice's raised voice, which made Sharena and Anna raise eyebrows at each other; "Oh ho ho! Delightfully devilish, Alice!"

 

Magnus saw that as his cue. In one swift motion, he stood up, his white and gold robes moving slightly with every small gesture he made. He gracefully brushed past Sharena, placing a hand on the opened door to the kitchen and taking a moment to just make a quick stutter... And then he glared. Slowly, Alfonse, Anna and Sharena stood up from their chairs, approaching the scene.

 

They arrived to the sight of Alice's leg on a windowsill, and she seemed to be stretching it. The Askrans tilted their heads, save for Magnus, who continued glaring. Alice stuttered. "A-Ah, son! I was just, uh, st-stretching my calves on the windowsill! Isometric excersize - Mmm, care to join me?"

 

Magnus pointed to a space on the counter beside Alice - there was nothing there except his steaming breakfast. "Alice, why is there smoke coming out of your oven?" His voice seemed to be slightly genuinely curious.

 

Alice removed her leg from the windowsill, rubbing the back of her head. "That isn't smoke! It's steam - steam from the steamed clams we're having! Mmmm, steamed clams!"

 

Anna ran a hand through her hair, watching as Magnus turned around and left the kitchen, with some hesitance. Alice giggled and carefully shooed the others out, saying that the real fun was about to begin soon. So they obeyed and went to sit back down.

 

Alice returned shortly after, carrying Magnus' plate and setting it on the table. Alice chuckled, trying to keep her composure, no doubt for her next line. She took a deep breath and breathed out with a small laugh; "Magnus, I hope you're ready for mouthwatering hamburgers!" And then silence followed. There weren't any hamburgers on the plate she handed Magnus - only eggs and pancakes. Sharena tilted her head, but kept listening.

 

Magnus looked up at Alice with narrowed eyes. "I though we were having steamed clams?" He ran a hand through his messy hair, the smile that betrayed his glare leaving dimples that Sharena absolutely adored.

 

Alice chuckled, then patted Magnus' arm. "D'oh, no, I said steamed hams! That's what I call hamburgers." The teen couldn't help but grip the soft fabric under her hands, though only for a bit. And then she let go and went to sit on her own chair, and Magnus tilted his head at her - a trait he got from Alice herself.

 

"...You call hamburgers 'steamed hams'?" His voice cracked, causing Alfonse to chuckle, and Alice laughed to, so she had to clear her throat to throw her attention back onto the bit. She took a couple of breaths, stifled a chuckle, and then finally breathed out.

 

"It's a regional dialect."

 

"Uh-huh... What region?" As Magnus spoke his line, Anna leaned in, no doubt thinking over how she could make money off of these small bits. Alice took a sip of water from a cup nearby her, then replied.

 

"Um, Upstate New York," she said. And then she laughed to herself, feeling Alfonse pat her back. With a small smile, Alfonse looked Magnus straight in the eye.

 

"You can't stop here, I wish to know where this will end." His voice sounded rather amused by what was transpiring between his son and... His future wife. He still found it hard to believe that he and Alice got married in an alternate Askr, and for a moment, his mind drifted from the scene before him. It was, in fact, only when he heard Alice say; "patented Skinner burgers. Old family recipe." He immediately turned to Magnus.

 

"...For, steamed hams?" The boy's voice was calmer now, so maybe this bit was a more serious than the previous parts. Sharena watched as Alice nodded. Magnus continued. "Right, so you call them Steamed Hams, despite the fact that they are obviously grilled."

 

The Askran Princess could only listen as Alice stuttered, trying to find an explanation for what was presented to her. Unable to do so, she merely gave a meek "excuse me for one moment" (which was answered with "of course") and then stood up to head back into the kitchen. Though it was only for a couple of seconds, for she came back out, yawned, and rubbed one of her eyes. It seemed she was still tired. "Well, that was wonderful. A good time was had by all, I'm pooped."

 

The Summoner's son nodded, then stood up. "Yes well I sh-" And then he stopped, mid-sentence. His finger pointed to the kitchen, and with shock, nearly yelled. _"goOD LORD, WHAT IS HAPPENING IN THERE?"_

 

Her reply came immediately - Magnus' question was answered within mere seconds; "Aurora Borealis."

 

A stutter. Anna looked to Alfonse, the one who tended to know a bunch of random tidbits. "Aurora Borealis...?" The Commander was obviously confused.

 

Magnus continued off of what Anna said; "A-Aurora Borealis!? At this time of year, at this time of day, in this part of the country, localized _entirely_ within your kitchen?"

 

A nod from Alice. "Mhm." She smiled.

 

"...May I see it?"

 

"Mmm, no."

 

And then her and Magnus burst out laughing, Alice having to kneel to the ground to make sure she didn't fall. Confusion spread on the Askrans' face's... A strange end. But they shrugged and let it be. In the background, they could hear Alice and Magnus discussing the scene that had transpired between them, through their hard laughter. Alfonse came to realize just how much Magnus had gotten from his mother...

**Author's Note:**

> I'M SORRY, I TRIED.


End file.
